Friday, November 1, 2013

Bad Movie Endurance Test 10: Dark Measures Gang Warfare

Dark Measures: Gang Warfare starts out with a message from the "lead actress" (their description, not mine) about how domestic violence is bad, which is kind of weird because the blurb doesn't give any hints that this movie is about domestic violence. That's because it's not. Apparently the "actress" is just really against domestic violence, which is a good thing. That's the most positive thing I can say about anyone involved with this movie, because holy shit it's terrible.

Have you ever seen Wes Craven's Last House On the Left? This movie is kind of like that, only if you took out all the things that make that movie work and replace them with random plot complications (and accompanying plot holes),  characters with less depth than the Afflek duck, bad acting, bad camera work, bad sound, bad fight choreography, bad special effects, bad music, bad stuff, badness, more  badness, and some pure essence of bad just to make sure  there's enough bad. I've seen a lot of  bad movies and I've never found myself fantasizing about horrible things happening to the actors (not the characters--none of them are interesting enough to want to watch die) and filmmakers before, but if you told me that the entire cast and crew of this movie were infected with some kind of horrible, flesh-eating disease, I'd probably giggle for at least ten minutes straight.

Takeaway: It was bad.
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