The War On [Insert Holiday Here]

As anyone who watches Fox News (or--more likely if you're reading this--The Daily Show's coverage of Fox News) knows, a WAR ON CHRISTMAS has been raging for the past several years. This all-out attack on Christian values mainly involves acknowledging that not every single person is a Christian, but if you've got more than five friends on Facebook, you probably know that there's another more sinister battle going on: the Godless Heathens (TM) are abbreviating the word "Christmas" as "Xmas." I don't think I have to tell you that there are few things more offensive than replacing the word "Christ" with the English transliteration of the Greek letter "Chi" (which, incidentally, has been used by Christians to represent Christ for hundreds of years).

I think it's awfully unfair that only Christians get to play the part of victim in a made-up war against their beliefs. Call me a cultural relativist, but I think people of other faiths should also be allowed to get their persecution complex on. So far, it looks like only the Jews have joined in on the fun:



The Liberal Elitist (TM) in me can't help but think that the non-Abrahamic faiths should also be represented. So I decided to help.



I should probably explain that last one. I thought the holiday was something like "Grumenthar's Ascension" and was going to do a "Keep the Groo in Grumenthar's Ascension" pic featuring the Groosalug. Turns out I got the name wrong, but a "Gurn" is basically a funny face, which inevitably leads to the Angel Dance. I suspect there are probably stills from the scene in which Boreanaz's expression is more properly a by-the-book gurn, but unfortunately Google Images didn't turn up too many stills from the scene. So you might want to pretend that Angel looks slightly goofier to get the full effect.

Obama's Black Panther (and other) Connections

Like many of you, I was SHOCKED and HORRIFIED when a friend forwarded me the following SHOCKING PHOTOGRAPH of our "so-called" President of the United States.

The photo shows Barak ADOLF HUSSEIN DRACULA OBAMA (approximately 5-8 years of age, based on our best guess as to the photo's date) holding a shotgun outside of a Black Panther rally in the 1960s. (Note: The photograph's "caption" is incorrect: the man IDENTIFIED as Darcus Howe is actually Panther party LEADER Bobby Seale).

I was MORTIFIED! I mean, it was bad enough that we'd allowed a Kenyan NAZI Fascist COMMIE to be elected to the highest office in the land, but a BLACK POWER ACTIVIST? Although I KNEW I wouldn't like the answer, I decided to search around to see what other "incriminating" photos lay in the President's past. What I found was shocking.

This one SHOULDN'T "surprise" anyone.

MORE surprising is HUSSEIN DRACULA's "involvement" in THE ARREST of "free speech" martyr Lenny BRUCE

This "photo" shows OBAMA meeting with his NAMESAKE in the 1980s

I always "thought" that Hunter S. Thompson's death was suspicious. Now we KNOW THE TRUTH. I will admit that the MULLET is a clever disguise.

I'm not sure "how" OBAMA was involved in Transformers 2, but it makes PERFECT SENSE!

I suspect that this PICTURE may be a "fake." Then again, you never know...

Slactivism

The Urban Dictionary defines Slactivism (they spell it with a "k," but that seems like a lot of extra work) as "The act of participating in obviously pointless activities as an expedient alternative to actually expending effort to fix a problem." Wikipedia cites awareness bracelets, internet petitions, and magnetic car ribbons as a few examples. I first read the term at Snopes.com several years ago, but I'm too lazy to dig through the site (and it's annoying pop-ups) to find the article. Basically, it's doing something that takes very little effort and is ultimately useless, but makes us feel like we're doing a good thing.

Perhaps my favorite example of Slactivism is the "repost this" meme. You know, the messages that say something like "I think it's wrong to use midgets to club baby seals. If you agree, please repost this message." The best thing about these memes, in my opinion, is their paradoxical nature. On the surface, they make it seem like we're taking a moment out of our obsessive narcissism in order to make the world a better place. At the same time, the idea that the world is going to change because you posted something to Facebook is hubris at its most absurd.

When a particular "repost this" message show up enough to annoy me, I'll change the wording a bit to make it stupid before reposting, mainly just to see if anyone notices. Because the internet makes it incredibly easy to do really retarded things (and because I often get bored at work), I've decided to start posting a new (and dumb) "repost this" meme to Twitter, theoretically on a daily basis. Check them out at https://twitter.comSlactivismDaily. And if you agree with me, please repost.