Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Bad Movie Endurance Test 9: Glitter Goddess: Queen of the Sunset Strip

Pro-Tip: If making your biopic requires you to write it, produce it, narrate it, and play most of the roles in it, it might be worth asking whether there needs to be a biopic about you. Llana Lloyd, the Clive Turner-like "talent" behind Glitter Goddess: Queen of the Sunset Strip did not ask this question.

The blurb for the movie reads: "Frustrated with her family life, Llana Lloyd rebels by worshiping Alice Cooper, becoming one of the most prolific rock and roll groupies of the 1970s." It should have read "Frustrated with her family life: Llana Lloyd," because that's the bulk of the movie. There are a few scenes in a "club" on the "Sunset Strip" (I'm guessing someone's garage, with  set design that would be embarrassing for a middle school play), and a scene or two with a guy in one of the worst Alice Cooper costumes I've ever scene, but most of the movie is about how Llana's mother was a mean old dyke.

Apparently Llana did the talk show circuit in the 80s, when having a gay parent was scandalous, because probably a third of the movie consists of footage from talk shows (one has a very young Oprah Winfrey and some white dude). Later on in the movie we find out that in the late 80s Llana was artificially inseminated and married a gay man, but I'm sure that had nothing to do with the talk shows losing interest in her gay mother. Aside from archive footage, the movie also has a lot of home movies and photos with narration that wouldn't be out of place in a low-budget educational film about truck farming or something. The third component of the movie are the re-creations of actual events that might have happened, but probably without so much melodrama and so many bad wigs. I've seen mattress commercials with better acting, better sets, better camera work, and more convincing dialogue. Fortunately, it's so bad and everyone involved seems so oblivious to how bad it is that it's kind of hilarious, if way too long.

Takeaway:  If you've ever wondered what Dancin' Outlaw would have been like if it were "A Jesco White Film," this is probably as close as you'll get.
Post a Comment