Friday, October 25, 2013

Bad Movie Endurance Test 7: Cold Creepy Feeling: Paranormal Excorcism

You may have noticed that the titles of many of the movies I've been reviewing have subtitles. I just checked, and this is true of all but two movies in the current collection. Maybe the filmmakers think they make the movie sound more impressive. Maybe they're fans of Mark Rein "cool dot" Hagen (co-producer of TV's Kindred: The Embraced). Or maybe it's that subtitles are traditionally separated from the main title with colons. And as you know, the word "colon" can also refer to a part of the digestive system. Is it possible that the people who name these movies are subtly warning potential viewers that these moves are turds?

Tonight's movie, Cold Creepy Feeling: Paranormal Excorcism, may be the biggest, stickiest, you'll-never get-it-off-your-shoe-no-matter-how-hard-you-try turd I've stepped on so far. I don't think I've ever been so conscious of the clock while watching a movie in my life. Every 3 to 5 minutes I looked at the clock, reminding myself that there were only X minutes left and that if I stopped watching, the movie would  win. This is a terrible, derivative, 20-minute movie with 70 minutes of filler. As you can probably guess from the second half of the title, it's basically a Paranormal Activity movie, but against all odds it's even worse than the movies in what is probably the single worst series of horror movies every made.

I'm not going into any more detail because, once you count the time it took to write this review, this movie has taken away slightly over 100 minutes of my life, and that's at least 99 more minutes than it deserves.
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