From the April issue of Bazooka Magazine:
In case you haven’t heard, Yum! Brands has been lobbying legislators to allow fast food restaurants to accept food stamps. WPSD posted a note about this on their Facebook page the other day. As you can probably guess, over 90% of the people who left comments ignored the fact that this change is being suggested by one of the world’s largest fast food companies (they own KFC, Taco Bell, Long John Silvers, and several other chains) in favor of self-righteous psuedo-Randian rants about the champagne and caviar lifestyle of the lazy bottom feeders and criminals who receive public assistance.
Most of these posts offered anecdotal evidence of people on food stamps abusing the system. Many also included a subtle racism that was hilarious until it occurred to me that some of the posters had probably reproduced. Then it was just sad. Since the average western Kentuckian seems to think of welfare recipients as a cross between Wayne Malloy (Eddie Izzard from The Riches) and Tyrone Biggams (Dave Chappelle’s crackhead character), I thought it might be useful to point out the following (apparently obscure) facts about people who receive food stamps and other forms of public assistance.
* A lot of people who receive food stamps have jobs. Sometimes more than one. I know it sounds crazy that anyone living the life of luxury that food stamps afford would see any need to work, but it’s true. Failure to acknowledge this fact was most obvious from the folks who complained about people using food stamps to buy easily-prepared foods like frozen dinners. The idea that somebody working two or three minimum-wage jobs might not have the time or energy to prepare healthy, home-cooked meals never crossed their minds.
* Not everybody who receives public assistance was born poor. The default assumption for people in this area seems to be that anyone who gets food stamps does so because they have chosen to remain poor and milk the system their whole lives. In the world of the self-righteous WPSD viewer, nobody has ever lost their job to a business closing or layoff, used up all their savings, and been forced to accept public assistance because staggering unemployment made it hard to find another job.
* When you sign up for assistance, you’re not required to sell off all your worldly possessions. This is kind of a corollary to the previous fact. People around here are apparently genuinely offended that people who get food stamps aren’t all dressed in rags and performing musical numbers like modern-day Dickensian waifs. Not only do people not consider the possibility that people may have owned things before they fell on hard times, they fail realize that selling the TV is only going to feed a family for a week or two. After that, you still end up on food stamps but now you can’t watch The Simpsons. Overall, it’s not really a wise uses of resources.
* The public library offers free internet. A few people who receive food stamps were brave enough to admit it in the WPSD comments (most of them were against Yum!’s corporate welfare scheme, by the way). The good Christians of the viewing area were outraged that anyone would be brazen enough to admit that they got food stamps but still had an internet connection. Not only does this kind of thinking disregard the fact that skipping the internet bill won’t feed a family for a month or that the interenet is a useful resource for looking for a job, it ignores the possibility that these people were using an internet connection that didn’t cost them anything. This is symptomatic of the larger attitude that anything a poor person owns is evidence of poor money management or criminal activity. There’s no chance that a poor person’s phone (which is almost required to get a job these days) came free with the service contract, or that the nice shirt they’re wearing came from Goodwill, or that the toy the kids are playing with was a Christmas gift from an uncle who’s doing well.
* Most poor people don’t do drugs. I saved this one for last because it kind of ties into all of the others, and the racism I mentioned earlier. The truth is that subjecting food stamp recipients to humiliation and probable civil rights violations through mandatory drug testing really isn’t going to save the government much money. It’s just going to cause some children whose parents have drug problems to go hungry. But when smug, well-off white people (and the poor teabaggers they’ve brainwashed) hear the words “public assistance,” they imagine a gold-toothed black man in an Escalade who lives off the dole while buying big screen TVs with the money he makes from drug dealing. This the the modern evolution of Reagans “welfare Cadillac” meme, which was never anything more than a rhetorical device intended to convince middle class racists to go along with his attempts to dismantle the social safety net. The guy you’re imagining is named Flavor Flav, and he’s a very successful entertainer who doesn’t need to sell drugs or collect food stamps.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Rivers Are Dicks and Should Be Boycotted.
For most of my life, I’ve thought of nature as an impartial force that didn’t judge people based on race, creed, gender, or any of those other factors that we humans use to compartmentalize others, usually to our own detriment. Earthquakes didn’t care what god you prayed to, tornadoes destroyed homes of people of every ethnicity, and hurricanes didn’t do credit checks. Then I found out I was wrong.
It started with Hurricane Katrina, when thanks to Kanye West I realized that the Mississippi River was a racist. Sure, Kanye blamed George W. Bush, but since the Dubya administration helped black people just as much as white people (ie., not very much), the only solution was that the river itself had targeted the homes of African-Americans while making sure its waters avoided the homes of poor white people (rich people of every color had the advantage of higher ground and the resources to evacuate, so we can’t really blame the river for classism). This realization caused quite a bit of cognitive dissonance for me; since the Mississippi was Jim’s road to freedom in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, I’d always thought of it as black-friendly, perhaps even a big, watery version of Harriet Tubman. I was also shaken by the possibility that Twain, one of my favorite authors since childhood, might in fact be little more than a propagandist for Big Water.
But that was just one river. Surely our mighty Ohio wasn’t as petty as its neighbor...or was it? During the recent flooding here in Western Kentucky, I found out that while the river has no apparent racist tendencies, it does discriminate based on class. But first, some background.
For those of you who don’t know, our fine city decided to go ahead with the annual American Quilter’s Association show despite massive flooding and wind damage that had led the city and many surrounding counties to declare a state of emergency. Some people worried that the show would use local resources and personnel that could be used to help flood victims. Some were afraid that traffic problems caused by a 50% population increase would slow down emergency and construction vehicles doing important work. Others were concerned about a possible flood wall breach, and what thousands of drowned quilters would do to our area’s reputation. Still others were against the quilt show even before the storms started due to the allegations of corruption regarding subsidies the show gets from the city or because quilters have a reputation for being low-tipping bad drivers with entitlement issues. The main concern about the quilt show, however, was that it fills up all the local hotels, leaving no place for locals flooded out of their homes to stay.
It’s the hotel thing that tipped me off to the Ohio River’s war on the poor. Nearly every time someone brought up the hotel room shortage on local forums, they were informed that the quilters’ aren’t taking rooms from locals because people who have lost their homes to flooding can’t afford hotel rooms anyway. This was shocking, since I’d always assumed that flood waters devastated anyone on low ground regardless of economic standing, but apparently the Ohio has chosen to bypass the homes of the wealthy. Now, I realize (thanks to many of those same upstanding citizens) that since poverty is a lifestyle choice the victims aren’t completely blameless, but I think we still need to hold the river responsible for its actions.
I think the only way to make the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers see the errors of their ways is a boycott. From now on, we’ve got to resist the urge to boat and ship cargo on them, fish or swim in them, and pump our chemical waste and sewage into them. I’d was going to recommend that we not even cross them, but someone pointed out that allegations of vampirism could harm the Anti-River Movement if we did that. Boycotting the rivers will be hard, but I truly believe it’s the only way we can teach them a lesson.
It started with Hurricane Katrina, when thanks to Kanye West I realized that the Mississippi River was a racist. Sure, Kanye blamed George W. Bush, but since the Dubya administration helped black people just as much as white people (ie., not very much), the only solution was that the river itself had targeted the homes of African-Americans while making sure its waters avoided the homes of poor white people (rich people of every color had the advantage of higher ground and the resources to evacuate, so we can’t really blame the river for classism). This realization caused quite a bit of cognitive dissonance for me; since the Mississippi was Jim’s road to freedom in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, I’d always thought of it as black-friendly, perhaps even a big, watery version of Harriet Tubman. I was also shaken by the possibility that Twain, one of my favorite authors since childhood, might in fact be little more than a propagandist for Big Water.
But that was just one river. Surely our mighty Ohio wasn’t as petty as its neighbor...or was it? During the recent flooding here in Western Kentucky, I found out that while the river has no apparent racist tendencies, it does discriminate based on class. But first, some background.
For those of you who don’t know, our fine city decided to go ahead with the annual American Quilter’s Association show despite massive flooding and wind damage that had led the city and many surrounding counties to declare a state of emergency. Some people worried that the show would use local resources and personnel that could be used to help flood victims. Some were afraid that traffic problems caused by a 50% population increase would slow down emergency and construction vehicles doing important work. Others were concerned about a possible flood wall breach, and what thousands of drowned quilters would do to our area’s reputation. Still others were against the quilt show even before the storms started due to the allegations of corruption regarding subsidies the show gets from the city or because quilters have a reputation for being low-tipping bad drivers with entitlement issues. The main concern about the quilt show, however, was that it fills up all the local hotels, leaving no place for locals flooded out of their homes to stay.
It’s the hotel thing that tipped me off to the Ohio River’s war on the poor. Nearly every time someone brought up the hotel room shortage on local forums, they were informed that the quilters’ aren’t taking rooms from locals because people who have lost their homes to flooding can’t afford hotel rooms anyway. This was shocking, since I’d always assumed that flood waters devastated anyone on low ground regardless of economic standing, but apparently the Ohio has chosen to bypass the homes of the wealthy. Now, I realize (thanks to many of those same upstanding citizens) that since poverty is a lifestyle choice the victims aren’t completely blameless, but I think we still need to hold the river responsible for its actions.
I think the only way to make the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers see the errors of their ways is a boycott. From now on, we’ve got to resist the urge to boat and ship cargo on them, fish or swim in them, and pump our chemical waste and sewage into them. I’d was going to recommend that we not even cross them, but someone pointed out that allegations of vampirism could harm the Anti-River Movement if we did that. Boycotting the rivers will be hard, but I truly believe it’s the only way we can teach them a lesson.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
My Influence Map
My pals Josh Burnett and Jeffrey Johnson recently posted their influence map on their blogs. The meme was started by fox-orian at deviant art for visual artists, but why let the guys who draw pretty pictures have all the fun?
1. Robert Anton Wilson: I didn't actually discover St. Bob until I was in my early or mid 20s, but once I started reading his stuff, I didn't stop until I'd read everything I could get my hands on. His ideas about "maybe logic" and reality tunnels make more sense than just about any other theory I've heard, and his ability to see the absurdity of existence is unparalleled. Since RAW's got such a big space on the influence map, I decided to let him stand proxy for three guys who I didn't have room for: Greg Hill & Kerry Thornley (authors of The Principia Discordia) and Charles Fort (whose philosophy and humor are similar to Wilson's if a little dustier).
2. Hunter S. Thompson: This is another author that I discovered late but who's really influenced me. There are a lot of things to admire about Thompson the person, but the thing I love about Hunter the writer is ability to report on something without providing any actual facts about the reality of what he's reporting on.
3. George Carlin: I've been listening to Carlin since middle school, and count myself lucky that I got a chance to see him live when I was in college. Carlin's understanding of human nature and his incredible ability to dissect language is amazing.
4. Dave Barry: Obviously I'm a Dave Barry fan because he's an incredibly funny guy. The two things I love the most about his writing is his straightforward delivery and his subtlety. In amid all the obvious jokes, there are always a lot more that you've got to pay attention to catch. Barry's also a master of the callback.
5. Mark Twain: I think The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was the first "real book" I ever read--I think in about 3rd grade--and I still haven't gotten tired of his books. I love his ability to combine subtle social commentary with a child-like sense of wonder and adventure.
6. Alan Moore: Alan Moore is just a genius at story construction. Some of his stuff is so amazing and multi-layered that I'm amazed anyone would think of attempting them, much less successfully pull them off.
7. Douglas Adams: Because sometimes it's ok just to have fun and let the story go wherever it wants.
8. Tim Powers: I've heard that before Tim Powers writes a book, he researches a handful of unrelated things that seem interesting to him. Then when he starts writing, he ties as many of them together as possible. It usually works out really well, and I've used him as inspiration for a lot of the secret history stuff we've worked into Hex products.
9. Kurt Vonnegut:I've always thought of Vonnegut as sort of Twain's natural successor, despite the fact that their writing is very different. Something in their attitudes just kind of makes me feel like Vonnegut took over the role that Twain played in American literature and culture, whatever that role was. So far I haven't found Vonnegut's successor.
10. Neil Gaiman:I think by friend and frequent co-writer Leighton Connor best summed up what I like about Gaiman: He's got an amazing ability to tie ridiculously fantastical elements into a very realistic world. I also love the fact that he does his research, even when most people wouldn't notice if he just made things up instead.
11. Fritz Leiber:I never really got into Tolkein, but can read Leiber's Lankhmar stories over and over again. I love the characters; both their moral ambiguity and the fact that ultimately it's the dynamic between them that makes the stories work. The treasure, magic, monsters, and adventure are just backdrop.
12. Warren Ellis: Ellis is just my kind of bastard.
13. E. Gary Gygax: A lot of my writing is in the role-playing field, so I've got to include Gygax even if my views on what makes the hobby fun seem to be radically different from his.
1. Robert Anton Wilson: I didn't actually discover St. Bob until I was in my early or mid 20s, but once I started reading his stuff, I didn't stop until I'd read everything I could get my hands on. His ideas about "maybe logic" and reality tunnels make more sense than just about any other theory I've heard, and his ability to see the absurdity of existence is unparalleled. Since RAW's got such a big space on the influence map, I decided to let him stand proxy for three guys who I didn't have room for: Greg Hill & Kerry Thornley (authors of The Principia Discordia) and Charles Fort (whose philosophy and humor are similar to Wilson's if a little dustier).
2. Hunter S. Thompson: This is another author that I discovered late but who's really influenced me. There are a lot of things to admire about Thompson the person, but the thing I love about Hunter the writer is ability to report on something without providing any actual facts about the reality of what he's reporting on.
3. George Carlin: I've been listening to Carlin since middle school, and count myself lucky that I got a chance to see him live when I was in college. Carlin's understanding of human nature and his incredible ability to dissect language is amazing.
4. Dave Barry: Obviously I'm a Dave Barry fan because he's an incredibly funny guy. The two things I love the most about his writing is his straightforward delivery and his subtlety. In amid all the obvious jokes, there are always a lot more that you've got to pay attention to catch. Barry's also a master of the callback.
5. Mark Twain: I think The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was the first "real book" I ever read--I think in about 3rd grade--and I still haven't gotten tired of his books. I love his ability to combine subtle social commentary with a child-like sense of wonder and adventure.
6. Alan Moore: Alan Moore is just a genius at story construction. Some of his stuff is so amazing and multi-layered that I'm amazed anyone would think of attempting them, much less successfully pull them off.
7. Douglas Adams: Because sometimes it's ok just to have fun and let the story go wherever it wants.
8. Tim Powers: I've heard that before Tim Powers writes a book, he researches a handful of unrelated things that seem interesting to him. Then when he starts writing, he ties as many of them together as possible. It usually works out really well, and I've used him as inspiration for a lot of the secret history stuff we've worked into Hex products.
9. Kurt Vonnegut:I've always thought of Vonnegut as sort of Twain's natural successor, despite the fact that their writing is very different. Something in their attitudes just kind of makes me feel like Vonnegut took over the role that Twain played in American literature and culture, whatever that role was. So far I haven't found Vonnegut's successor.
10. Neil Gaiman:I think by friend and frequent co-writer Leighton Connor best summed up what I like about Gaiman: He's got an amazing ability to tie ridiculously fantastical elements into a very realistic world. I also love the fact that he does his research, even when most people wouldn't notice if he just made things up instead.
11. Fritz Leiber:I never really got into Tolkein, but can read Leiber's Lankhmar stories over and over again. I love the characters; both their moral ambiguity and the fact that ultimately it's the dynamic between them that makes the stories work. The treasure, magic, monsters, and adventure are just backdrop.
12. Warren Ellis: Ellis is just my kind of bastard.
13. E. Gary Gygax: A lot of my writing is in the role-playing field, so I've got to include Gygax even if my views on what makes the hobby fun seem to be radically different from his.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Giving Green On Fridays Will Help The Troops More
Internet activism. Where else can so many feel so good about doing so little? Everyone knows that posting a status update, even without links to sites that allow you learn more about a problem or take action of any kind, is more effective than 1,000 people in cause bracelets driving 1,000 SUVs with yellow ribbon magnets. Internet activism allows you to stand alongside the small, brave, overwhelming majority of citizens who feel the same way you do and tell those (mostly imaginary) enemies of America what for! It makes me want to wrap myself in a Gadsen flag! FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!
Occasionally, you find something on the internet that perfectly encapsulates everything that’s wrong with online activism. The “Wear Red On Fridays” Facebook page is one of those things. Text from the info page of the site is italicized.
***
Will You give this to my Daddy?
As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.'
Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed One of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.
Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As t...hey began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.
***
Really, a bunch of people cheering and clapping in an airport is one of the greatest acts of patriotism you’ve ever seen? Seriously?
***
When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and Cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.
***
I’ll assume you were exaggerating and by “only” you meant that, prior to all this patriotic clapping, you thought you were one of a small minority of people who support our troops and their families. With all the “We Hate Our Troops” signs on every street corner, I can see where you’d get that idea. People just hate the troops, don’t they? After all, if you ask 100 people whether or not they support our troops, I’m sure at least 99 of them will scream “Die American swine-dog!” and start beating you in the head with their Osama bin Laden commemorative coffee mugs.
***
Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal.
***
I’m sure it was a great act of patriotism on your part. Much greater than risking your own life, health, mental state, personal relationships, and financial stability to serve your country in the military or something lame like that.
***
Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our Service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi...'
The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her...
***
The suspense is killing me. Or maybe it’s just the overuse of ellipses. Please go on...
***
The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.
The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.
When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second... Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it..
After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'
The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.
***
Urban Dictionary defines “glurge” as “[a] word used to describe the syrupy sweet e-mails that are mass-mailed to unwilling participants. Usually involve, puppies, kitties, children with disabilities, puppies and kitties with disabilities, and Jesus. Generally end with, ‘Pass this along 2 as many ppl as u can!!!11!!1!’” While the above story was distributed via Facebook rather than mass email, I think the definition still works nicely.
***
As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.
***
That soldier’s selflessness is matched only by your patriotism. Seriously, you should have some idea what words mean before you start throwing them around all willy-nilly like that.
***
We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.
***
WE’RE NUMBER 1!
[Note: Does not apply to air quality, education, health care, longevity, wealth distribution, and a host of other commonly accepted quality of life indicators].
***
RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers.
***
This might be valid if by “used to” you mean the Vietnam War era, but even then the idea of a silent majority had a lot more with winning votes by setting Nixon up as the “anti-hippie” candidate than any actual belief that the majority of Americans sided with the most misguided of the war protesters. Today, it’s even less apt. If the peace movement learned anything from Vietnam, it was that American soldiers must not be lumped in with the officers, politicians, and government contractors who decide to send them to war. Even if you could find troop-hating anti-war demonstrators today, presenting them as exemplars of the peace movement as a whole is just as intellectually dishonest and claiming that the Westboro Baptist Church represents mainstream Christianity.
***
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday - and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.
If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED.
***
And that will accomplish what, exactly? Does all that red somehow protect the troops from bullets? Does it bring them home earlier? Will it make the politicians who decided to send them into harm’s way consider what they’re asking of our troops more carefully next time around? Will wearing red cause a soldier to grow back an arm, regain the ability to walk, or forget the terrible things he's seen in combat?
No, it won’t. All it will do is make you feel better about yourself without actually doing anything. Wearing red on Fridays is slactivism at its best. If you want to actually do something that will help a soldier, donate your time or money to the programs that help soldiers find jobs and homes, provide medical treatment for wounded soldiers, or help the families of soldiers who have been killed. If that’s too much to ask, write your representatives in Congress and ask them to bring our troops home and promise to never again ask them to risk their lives fighting an unnecessary war.
***
The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is.....We need your support and your prayers.
***
Really? Did you actually ask any soldiers that question before making up your own answer? I’d think that answers like “send body armor” or “get me out of here” would be more common. Any soldier who does go with the “support and prayers” answer is probably doing so to be polite rather than because he believes that magical thinking on your part will help him on the battlefield.
***
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example.
***
Your brave example of making the ultimate sacrifice (wearing red once a week, even if it might clash with your outfit) may be the greatest display of patriotism I have ever seen.
If you’d prefer to do something more substantial than sending happy thoughts, the USO website has information on several programs that you can donate to or volunteer for.
All italicized comes from the Support Our Troops, Wear Red Friday Facebook page (linked above) and is the property of the owner(s) of that page. It is used here for satirical purposes.
Occasionally, you find something on the internet that perfectly encapsulates everything that’s wrong with online activism. The “Wear Red On Fridays” Facebook page is one of those things. Text from the info page of the site is italicized.
***
Will You give this to my Daddy?
As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.'
Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed One of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.
Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As t...hey began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.
***
Really, a bunch of people cheering and clapping in an airport is one of the greatest acts of patriotism you’ve ever seen? Seriously?
***
When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and Cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.
***
I’ll assume you were exaggerating and by “only” you meant that, prior to all this patriotic clapping, you thought you were one of a small minority of people who support our troops and their families. With all the “We Hate Our Troops” signs on every street corner, I can see where you’d get that idea. People just hate the troops, don’t they? After all, if you ask 100 people whether or not they support our troops, I’m sure at least 99 of them will scream “Die American swine-dog!” and start beating you in the head with their Osama bin Laden commemorative coffee mugs.
***
Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal.
***
I’m sure it was a great act of patriotism on your part. Much greater than risking your own life, health, mental state, personal relationships, and financial stability to serve your country in the military or something lame like that.
***
Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our Service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi...'
The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her...
***
The suspense is killing me. Or maybe it’s just the overuse of ellipses. Please go on...
***
The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.
The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.
When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second... Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it..
After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'
The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.
***
Urban Dictionary defines “glurge” as “[a] word used to describe the syrupy sweet e-mails that are mass-mailed to unwilling participants. Usually involve, puppies, kitties, children with disabilities, puppies and kitties with disabilities, and Jesus. Generally end with, ‘Pass this along 2 as many ppl as u can!!!11!!1!’” While the above story was distributed via Facebook rather than mass email, I think the definition still works nicely.
***
As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.
***
That soldier’s selflessness is matched only by your patriotism. Seriously, you should have some idea what words mean before you start throwing them around all willy-nilly like that.
***
We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.
***
WE’RE NUMBER 1!
[Note: Does not apply to air quality, education, health care, longevity, wealth distribution, and a host of other commonly accepted quality of life indicators].
***
RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers.
***
This might be valid if by “used to” you mean the Vietnam War era, but even then the idea of a silent majority had a lot more with winning votes by setting Nixon up as the “anti-hippie” candidate than any actual belief that the majority of Americans sided with the most misguided of the war protesters. Today, it’s even less apt. If the peace movement learned anything from Vietnam, it was that American soldiers must not be lumped in with the officers, politicians, and government contractors who decide to send them to war. Even if you could find troop-hating anti-war demonstrators today, presenting them as exemplars of the peace movement as a whole is just as intellectually dishonest and claiming that the Westboro Baptist Church represents mainstream Christianity.
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Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday - and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.
If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED.
***
And that will accomplish what, exactly? Does all that red somehow protect the troops from bullets? Does it bring them home earlier? Will it make the politicians who decided to send them into harm’s way consider what they’re asking of our troops more carefully next time around? Will wearing red cause a soldier to grow back an arm, regain the ability to walk, or forget the terrible things he's seen in combat?
No, it won’t. All it will do is make you feel better about yourself without actually doing anything. Wearing red on Fridays is slactivism at its best. If you want to actually do something that will help a soldier, donate your time or money to the programs that help soldiers find jobs and homes, provide medical treatment for wounded soldiers, or help the families of soldiers who have been killed. If that’s too much to ask, write your representatives in Congress and ask them to bring our troops home and promise to never again ask them to risk their lives fighting an unnecessary war.
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The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is.....We need your support and your prayers.
***
Really? Did you actually ask any soldiers that question before making up your own answer? I’d think that answers like “send body armor” or “get me out of here” would be more common. Any soldier who does go with the “support and prayers” answer is probably doing so to be polite rather than because he believes that magical thinking on your part will help him on the battlefield.
***
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example.
***
Your brave example of making the ultimate sacrifice (wearing red once a week, even if it might clash with your outfit) may be the greatest display of patriotism I have ever seen.
If you’d prefer to do something more substantial than sending happy thoughts, the USO website has information on several programs that you can donate to or volunteer for.
All italicized comes from the Support Our Troops, Wear Red Friday Facebook page (linked above) and is the property of the owner(s) of that page. It is used here for satirical purposes.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Honeywell’s Storage Pond Shut-down Plan Is Completely Safe (According To Honeywell)
From the Feburary 2011 issue of Bazooka Magazine
I went to Honeywell’s community meeting on January 12th mainly because I thought it would be a good place to hear some gossip and maybe talk to some people about a possible story on the lockout. The actual reason of the meeting--Honeywell’s plan to close four storage ponds at the plant--didn’t seem like much of a story. The ponds (and all the toxic waste in them) are already there, so turning them into a solid mass and covering them up didn’t seem like too bad a plan. I think that’s the kind of reaction they were hoping for, because their definitions of “community,” “meeting,” and “Honeywell” differed quite a bit from my expectations.
For starters, everyone had to sign in as soon as they walked in the door (though unlike Mayor Paxton, Honeywell didn’t ask for an address). This might be mandated by the same IEPA (Illinois Environmental Protection Agency)/NRC (Nuclear Regulatory Commission) regulations that required Honeywell to hold the meeting in the first place, but (especially with the lockout going on), there was kind of a Big Brother vibe that didn’t really scream “community” to me, especially with six Honeywell security guys hanging around. Unfortunately, it only occurred to me after I’d signed in that I should have said I was Hagbard Celine of the Erisian Liberation Front. The “Honeywell” part also seemed a bit incorrect, since there wasn’t a single Honeywell spokesperson there (unless you count the goon squad)--just four representatives from the companies contracted to do the sludge pool closing.
As far as the “meeting” part goes, that is a technically correct, because they didn’t say “presentation.” They had some big fancy posters and a Power Point presentation running when the doors opened, and everyone sat down and waited for them to start talking. After about 20 minutes, people started to wonder if they were going to say anything at all. One of the USW guys finally confirmed our doubts by announcing (as he stood right in the path of the one TV camera there) “Everybody can go home, this is all they’re going to do.” One of Honeywell’s contractor confirmed that this was the case and tried to defend this set-up, telling him that they’d be happy to answer questions “one-on-one.” Since the obvious implication was that Honeywell didn’t want people’s concerns to really be publicly aired, this didn’t win the company any points.
It wasn’t long before all four reps were surrounded by groups of people, most of them current or locked-out Honeywell employees asking some serious questions about the plan to close down the ponds. After a few minutes of this, the contractors huddled up and decided to actually answer questions from the attendees as a group. While this decision might have just been made to avoid facing an angry mob, the spokespeople at least deserve some credit for realizing that their plan for the meeting just wasn't going to cut it. Once this started, the “cover up the sludge” plan seemed less and less sound to me. I realize that a lot of the people there were USW folks who have an interest in making Honeywell look bad, but the impression I got was that most of the workers there were people who know what goes on inside the plant and have serious reservations about Honeywell’s plan to close the pond. So either a lot of steel workers might have a future in acting if they don’t go back to work, or they’re genuinely concerned about the potential damage this plan can cause, and any points scored for the union are just a bonus.
Here’s a rundown of the potential problems with Honeywell’s plan:
* One of the big issues that kept coming up is the uranium content of the ponds. According to Honeywell, the average is 200-300 parts per million, which is equivalent to normal background levels of radiation. Several of the workers at the meeting, however, told stories of regularly pulling up samples that were 1,000 or more parts per million, and question whether the samples used by Honeywell are representative. Many of the workers were more inclined to believe their own experience rather than Honeywell's reports, especially given some of the questions about the company's credibility that have been raised in recent months regarding accidents at the plant.
* Another reason many questioned why the ponds are being shut down is that one of the most dangerous chemicals in the sludge, Calcium Fluoride, is used in the conversion process--at one point Honeywell management told employees that the ponds contained $1 million worth of raw materials that could be recovered and used. While this doesn’t get rid of all the toxic chemicals, it at least means a chunk of them will be shipped off to a nuclear plant somewhere and become someone else’s problem. The general consensus at the meeting seemed to be that closing down the ponds was the cheaper solution than recovering the useful materials or having the ponds shipped to a toxic waste dump (as they did with another pond several years ago).
* While a “solidify and cover” plan like this has been used in similar applications, the uniqueness of the Honeywell plant (and the fact that the chemicals in the ponds are known to erode concrete in the plant, and even the boats used on the ponds) makes some people wonder if it will work with this particular cocktail of chemicals. Honeywell plans to monitor the local water supply once the project is complete, but has no contingency plans for what to do if the water (and most likely the Ohio River shortly thereafter) turns up contaminated. Since Honeywell workers have not been allowed to drink the water in the plant for 2 years as it is, this lack of a backup plan doesn’t really inspire confidence. As one attendee of the meeting put it, “The contingency plan for something that’s going to be around for 4.5 billion years should explore all possibilities.”
* The last major problem concerns the liner that’s currently under the ponds. Its condition is unknown, but given that there have been leaks in the past, most of the workers aren’t confident that it will survive the process of mixing the solidifying agent into the ponds. The Honeywell contractors repeatedly pointed out that the liner didn’t even count as far as the EPA was concerned. The problem, of course, is that the EPA discounting of the liner only matters once the sludge is solidified. While it’s still a liquid, the liner is all that keeps the stuff from leaking out. The workers who asked about the liner were worried about what would happen if the liner breaks when the weight of the solidifying agent is added in but before everything settles into a solid mass. The spokespeople consistently failed to address this concern, going back to the EPA’s refusal to recognize the liner once the process was completed. This might have been an honest misunderstanding, but I have my doubts.
So, if you’re worried about this, what can you do? Unfortunately, not a lot. The 60-day public comment period ended on January 31. Even if you would have commented, your comments would not have necessarily influence the IEPA or NRC’s decision. In fact, from what I can gather, public comments are only entered into the official record if there’s a public hearing, and that only happens if there is “significant public comment.” Even comments from a hearing don’t necessarily affect the final decision (though they can result in stiffer penalties if something goes wrong later on)--it’s all up to the regulators, and that might be the most troubling aspect of the whole process. Of the four Honeywell contractors at the meeting, one was former IEPA regulator and I got the strong impression that another used to work for the NRC. If the revolving door between regulators and the people they’re regulating doesn’t seem like a problem, you might want to check out some news stories from the Gulf of Mexico and Wall Street from the last couple of years.
I went to Honeywell’s community meeting on January 12th mainly because I thought it would be a good place to hear some gossip and maybe talk to some people about a possible story on the lockout. The actual reason of the meeting--Honeywell’s plan to close four storage ponds at the plant--didn’t seem like much of a story. The ponds (and all the toxic waste in them) are already there, so turning them into a solid mass and covering them up didn’t seem like too bad a plan. I think that’s the kind of reaction they were hoping for, because their definitions of “community,” “meeting,” and “Honeywell” differed quite a bit from my expectations.
For starters, everyone had to sign in as soon as they walked in the door (though unlike Mayor Paxton, Honeywell didn’t ask for an address). This might be mandated by the same IEPA (Illinois Environmental Protection Agency)/NRC (Nuclear Regulatory Commission) regulations that required Honeywell to hold the meeting in the first place, but (especially with the lockout going on), there was kind of a Big Brother vibe that didn’t really scream “community” to me, especially with six Honeywell security guys hanging around. Unfortunately, it only occurred to me after I’d signed in that I should have said I was Hagbard Celine of the Erisian Liberation Front. The “Honeywell” part also seemed a bit incorrect, since there wasn’t a single Honeywell spokesperson there (unless you count the goon squad)--just four representatives from the companies contracted to do the sludge pool closing.
As far as the “meeting” part goes, that is a technically correct, because they didn’t say “presentation.” They had some big fancy posters and a Power Point presentation running when the doors opened, and everyone sat down and waited for them to start talking. After about 20 minutes, people started to wonder if they were going to say anything at all. One of the USW guys finally confirmed our doubts by announcing (as he stood right in the path of the one TV camera there) “Everybody can go home, this is all they’re going to do.” One of Honeywell’s contractor confirmed that this was the case and tried to defend this set-up, telling him that they’d be happy to answer questions “one-on-one.” Since the obvious implication was that Honeywell didn’t want people’s concerns to really be publicly aired, this didn’t win the company any points.
It wasn’t long before all four reps were surrounded by groups of people, most of them current or locked-out Honeywell employees asking some serious questions about the plan to close down the ponds. After a few minutes of this, the contractors huddled up and decided to actually answer questions from the attendees as a group. While this decision might have just been made to avoid facing an angry mob, the spokespeople at least deserve some credit for realizing that their plan for the meeting just wasn't going to cut it. Once this started, the “cover up the sludge” plan seemed less and less sound to me. I realize that a lot of the people there were USW folks who have an interest in making Honeywell look bad, but the impression I got was that most of the workers there were people who know what goes on inside the plant and have serious reservations about Honeywell’s plan to close the pond. So either a lot of steel workers might have a future in acting if they don’t go back to work, or they’re genuinely concerned about the potential damage this plan can cause, and any points scored for the union are just a bonus.
Here’s a rundown of the potential problems with Honeywell’s plan:
* One of the big issues that kept coming up is the uranium content of the ponds. According to Honeywell, the average is 200-300 parts per million, which is equivalent to normal background levels of radiation. Several of the workers at the meeting, however, told stories of regularly pulling up samples that were 1,000 or more parts per million, and question whether the samples used by Honeywell are representative. Many of the workers were more inclined to believe their own experience rather than Honeywell's reports, especially given some of the questions about the company's credibility that have been raised in recent months regarding accidents at the plant.
* Another reason many questioned why the ponds are being shut down is that one of the most dangerous chemicals in the sludge, Calcium Fluoride, is used in the conversion process--at one point Honeywell management told employees that the ponds contained $1 million worth of raw materials that could be recovered and used. While this doesn’t get rid of all the toxic chemicals, it at least means a chunk of them will be shipped off to a nuclear plant somewhere and become someone else’s problem. The general consensus at the meeting seemed to be that closing down the ponds was the cheaper solution than recovering the useful materials or having the ponds shipped to a toxic waste dump (as they did with another pond several years ago).
* While a “solidify and cover” plan like this has been used in similar applications, the uniqueness of the Honeywell plant (and the fact that the chemicals in the ponds are known to erode concrete in the plant, and even the boats used on the ponds) makes some people wonder if it will work with this particular cocktail of chemicals. Honeywell plans to monitor the local water supply once the project is complete, but has no contingency plans for what to do if the water (and most likely the Ohio River shortly thereafter) turns up contaminated. Since Honeywell workers have not been allowed to drink the water in the plant for 2 years as it is, this lack of a backup plan doesn’t really inspire confidence. As one attendee of the meeting put it, “The contingency plan for something that’s going to be around for 4.5 billion years should explore all possibilities.”
* The last major problem concerns the liner that’s currently under the ponds. Its condition is unknown, but given that there have been leaks in the past, most of the workers aren’t confident that it will survive the process of mixing the solidifying agent into the ponds. The Honeywell contractors repeatedly pointed out that the liner didn’t even count as far as the EPA was concerned. The problem, of course, is that the EPA discounting of the liner only matters once the sludge is solidified. While it’s still a liquid, the liner is all that keeps the stuff from leaking out. The workers who asked about the liner were worried about what would happen if the liner breaks when the weight of the solidifying agent is added in but before everything settles into a solid mass. The spokespeople consistently failed to address this concern, going back to the EPA’s refusal to recognize the liner once the process was completed. This might have been an honest misunderstanding, but I have my doubts.
So, if you’re worried about this, what can you do? Unfortunately, not a lot. The 60-day public comment period ended on January 31. Even if you would have commented, your comments would not have necessarily influence the IEPA or NRC’s decision. In fact, from what I can gather, public comments are only entered into the official record if there’s a public hearing, and that only happens if there is “significant public comment.” Even comments from a hearing don’t necessarily affect the final decision (though they can result in stiffer penalties if something goes wrong later on)--it’s all up to the regulators, and that might be the most troubling aspect of the whole process. Of the four Honeywell contractors at the meeting, one was former IEPA regulator and I got the strong impression that another used to work for the NRC. If the revolving door between regulators and the people they’re regulating doesn’t seem like a problem, you might want to check out some news stories from the Gulf of Mexico and Wall Street from the last couple of years.
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